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Seniors
and Suicide
Frank
Jones
I
have been worried about my friend, Derek. A few months ago his
wife, Shirley died. It was a viral infection and she was gone
in a couple of days.
Derek
and Shirley, who used to live in Vancouver, were neighbours when
we lived in London in the early 1970s. Our kids played with their
kids. Since then, they had moved to a little village in Wiltshire
where we would call on them occasionally at their beautifully
converted schoolhouse.
I
wrote to Derek from Toronto, but he did not respond. So I phoned.
We
had a long talk, some of it about Shirley. Now I call regularly
and although he is sometimes upset, he seems to like it and we
have some laughs.
I
am telling you this because, as I have come to realize, Derek,
who is 67 and who only retired last year, is, statistically speaking
in the greatest at-risk group for committing suicide.
With
so much attention paid to teenage suicide – and quite rightly
so – we most of us do not realize that older men are the individuals
most likely to take their own lives.
It
is a worldwide phenomenon, and men past 60, for instance, are
four to six times as likely to take their lives as women in the
same age group.
Why,
I asked Dr. Paul Links, who occupies the Arthur Sommer Rotenberg
chair in suicide studies at the University of Toronto. "The issue
is loss," he replied. "Loss of health, of social status, of relationships,
of financial independence."
Do
we have any right to interfere? At a time when doctor-assisted
suicide is all the talk, isn’t it a person’s own business if they
want to take their life?
The
truth is, said the doctor, that older people do not usually take
their lives because they are facing insurmountable problems. "Probably
80 per cent are suffering from clinical depression." What makes
that so tragic is that, "today depression is very treatable."
Even cancer patients facing a dire future can learn to cope, said
Dr. Links.
In
addition, he added, "suicide of the elderly still has a tremendous
impact on families, leaving them burdened with guilt."
What
are the danger signs to watch for?
"Disruption
of eating patterns," said the doctor. "Over-eating or eating less
than usual. Not sleeping as well, becoming withdrawn or irritable."
Any talk of hopelessness or wanting to take their lives is a signal
to be taken seriously. We need to remember too that, while some
people may be more prone to suicidal thoughts, probably no one
is immune.
What
to do?
Your
unhappy friend or loved one should be urged to see their family
doctor, said Dr. Links. Alternatively, the telephone numbers of
distress centres are generally listed on the front page of your
phone book.
But
there’s the rub. Men are not nearly as good as women at asking
for help – even if they have a family doctor.
Men,
said Gerry Harrington, executive director of the Suicide Information
and Education Centre, in Calgary, "don’t form close relationships
the way women do. And most older men will resist if you invite
them to join a group.
"The
best answer," he said, "is friendship – keeping the person from
being isolated."
So
while doctors and distress centres have a part to play, what it
comes down to is you and me – friends who need to go out of our
way to lend an ear and listen for danger signs.
Talking
to Derek on a regular basis has made me think, not only about
his future, but how I would face the same situation.
Soon
after Shirley died, at the urging of friends, he took up golf.
He tells me he has dropped it now – no hand-eye coordination,
bad weather always interfering, it just was not his game. Dr.
Links, in fact, says it is not a good idea to make any big changes
in your life at a time of grief or crisis – familiar routines
are very important.
A
recent Harvard study, surprisingly, shows that quite modest social
activity – playing cards, eating out, going to the movies – is
enough to extend our lives by two-and-a-half years compared with
more reclusive people – and presumably keep depression at bay.
When
it comes to being a social introvert, I plead guilty. I would
rather wrestle bears than join an organization.
When
I look at what keeps me lively and involved in retirement, I have
to look at small things. At the gossip and jokes I exchange with
the guys in the pool changing room every day; at the weekly lunches
I have with a friend to talk about our stock market adventures
(and misadventures) on the Internet; at the companionship of our
dog who, when we’re out walking, makes me friends whether I want
them or not.
At
the end of every telephone conversation now, Derek says he hopes
I will come and see him. I might just do that.
©
April 2000 CARPNews FiftyPlus www.fiftyplus.net/health
  
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