Tips List For Family and Friends

• Grief can't be hurried. Bereaved people need to grieve in their own way and time.

• Offer practical assistance for as long as it's needed. Deliver a casserole, walk the dog, shovel the walk, pick up groceries or dry cleaning, offer a lift -- and not just for the week or two after the funeral!

• Bereavement support is supposed to help counter the adverse effects of losing a spouse. The wrong kind of support is worse than no support at all. Avoid offering unwanted advice or urging the bereaved person to "Move on with your life" or "Put it behind you".

• Include the bereaved person in social invitations, even if she/he refuses at first.

• Don't shy away from talking about the person who died. Follow the bereaved person's lead.

• Use phrases like "I'm sad for you", "I'll listen if you want to talk", and "I'll call tomorrow to see if you need help" instead of "I know how you feel", "Death was a blessing", and "Call me if I can help".