Eldercare: Loneliness

What can you do if you're lonely? In the short term, there are many ways of breaking out of the feeling of loneliness. It is important to live every day to it's fullest, to see each sunrise as a gift. To ensure that you are able to make the most of each day you need to be in good physical condition; get a good night's sleep every night, exercise, eat regularly and enjoy a healthy, balanced diet.

Seek communication with others: phone friends and relations and make plans for meeting up and doing shared activities. If you practice a religion then you could talk to the local leader of your Faith. Go for walks, as well as enjoying the invigorating fresh air, you may get to meet and talk to people. In the long term there are numerous ways of dispelling loneliness.

Getting a pet is a good way to have companionship. Some pets require more maintenance than others so get the pet that is right for you. You may also want to think about pursuing an activity that you enjoy, or taking up a new interest. Perhaps you can take an educational course and learn a skill or an area of academia that appeals to you.

Don't forget to initiate contact with others; don't wait for them to come to you. People often 'mean to call' but life gets in the way of good intentions. Call someone and make contact.

A good way of making productive use of your time is to take up volunteer work. There is always a call for help, especially for charities - perhaps a worthy cause about which you feel strongly.

If you feel at a complete loss and need more help than family and friends can seem to give, do contact a community organization that can help you overcome your loneliness.

The Causes of Loneliness

Contrary to popular belief, loneliness is not an unavoidable part of growing old. However, people do tend to become more susceptible to loneliness as the years pass because they are more likely to suffer many losses of loved ones; such losses can also happen in a relatively short space of time.

The elderly do not always have sufficient energy or are no longer hardy enough to cope with severe change in their lives. The drain of trying to cope after the loss of a spouse or partner of many years can make a person increasingly likely to succumb to depression and loneliness.

Often, the elderly can have chronic health problems, visual or hearing difficulties or a long-term illness that is wearing them down. Sadly, such people become cut off from friends and family far too easily.

Helping Someone Who Is Lonely

There is no way to eliminate someone's loneliness… they reach such a state by themselves. However, you can assist by expressing your affection and concern. This can sometimes be sufficient to inspire people to break out of their shell. Try to be encouraging and show confidence in their ability to dissipate their loneliness.

You can also assist in removing any obstacles that might prevent the person from visiting with friends and relatives and taking part in social activities.

Helping Someone Through Their Grief

When a partner, companion or spouse of many years dies, the effect can be devastating. For many people carrying on after their loss can prove to be the toughest challenge of their lives.

The surviving spouse must not be 'removed' from his/her grief. The pain that he/she will feel is natural and is part of the healing process. What is needed most of all is a listening ear, someone to give advice only when asked.

The bereaved must be allowed to discuss the death and the life they shared with the deceased. Don't offer them platitudes or pity, just expressions of affection to show that you care. Sometimes a simple hug is all that is needed.

The surviving partner will need practical help. If you are able to prepare a few meals for them, it will save them the demands of cooking for while. Go a step further and invite them to your home to dinner, the bereaved will be making some vital first steps to recovery by interacting with family and seeing the joy in life once more.

If the grief is extreme and prolonged to an extent that it is cause for concern, it may be wise to encourage the bereaved to seek professional counseling to help with the healing process.

Adapted from: "Loneliness and the Older Adult" Ministry of Citizenship, Ontario 08/91