Greeting Death

It is the great fortune and misfortune of mankind that, usually from a very early age, we are made aware that our lives are finite; we will eventually die. With this awareness of our own mortality comes the knowledge that those we love, whose companionship we greatly value, will also die. So, we can often be instilled with a fear of dying and/or of being left alone. The counter side of this is that we are thus given time and opportunity to reflect on our mortality. This opportunity can either be taken to relish the prospect of embracing every day or wallowing in a pool of depression, wondering what the point of life truly is.

Many people (although perhaps not as many as in past generations) find comfort in their religion. In most religious texts, dying is viewed as a beautiful achievement - to reach the afterlife is seen as the soul's transition towards fulfilling it's potential. However, there is an increasingly large portion of society that does not practice any form of religion. Either they are atheists or they feel that making time for their religion is not a priority. Despite the focus subject matter of this website, there is no religious agenda here.

Test of Faith

Death can sometimes bring about a serious test of faith for those that practice religion. It is the old paradox: why do bad things happen to good people? Why are those that live good, selfless lives sometimes seem to be unduly 'punished' by dying early? This can cause parents to question their beliefs and may shake their faith. Regrettably, this website cannot provide the answer to such a philosophical dilemma that has puzzled humanity for thousands of years. However, it is wise for parents in such situations to meet with their local spiritual and religious leader and to find guidance in the place that they usually find their strength.

For those who don't practice a religion, a child's death can sometimes guide them to the Church and to seek an understanding to their loss and a new meaning to their life. Attitudes towards death and life can be radically altered by the loss of a loved one, be it a child or partner.

For others, the pain of loss can be too great and they wish to die. The desire for death can come about through the fear of being alone. It can also occur because of the guilt some parents feel because they believe that they did not fulfill their natural obligation to protect their child. Often these feelings subside in time but it is vital that family and friends keep a close watch on the bereaved. Professional counselling can be of great value at times like these.

Reunited

After a time the death of a loved one can palpably alter the way that death is perceived. People who have lost a loved one can find that fear of their mortality has lessened because they feel that they 'know' someone that has travelled to the beyond; that they will be reunited when the time is right.

For some, belief in reincarnation can mean looking forward to another chance to enjoy the pleasure of meeting their loved one all over again, maybe in another country and in another form. Many bereaved parents adamantly believe that they will see their child's face once more, either in the afterlife or in another plane of existence. Even when people do not actively believe in an afterlife or reincarnation, the idea becomes very appealing.

Thus, death loses its terrifying aspect. When a child dies, surviving children are often told that their brother or sister is in heaven or with the deity that their family worships. Children can feel relieved that their sibling will greet them when they eventually die - and when another family member dies (e.g. an elderly relative) the concept of death, mortality and the soul/spirit will be more familiar to them. They may be less sad believing that the relative they love will not be lonely in a strange place (i.e. the afterlife).

Making Contact: Psychics

The bereaved should be wary of those that might seek to exploit their grief. Psychics may be able to offer a person grieving the opportunity to make contact with their loved one in the afterlife. A grieving person in this position is likely to be susceptible to suggestion and it is entirely subjective as to whether one believes that these people are genuine or charlatans.

If the surviving family wishes to seek out a psychic to attempt contact with their dead family members then that is their choice. However, they should be cautious about any unsolicited offers of psychic guidance. Consult with friends and family to see whether they have tried this approach in the past and what their feelings were. Having a recommendation for something like this may help weed the good from the bad, so to speak.

How We Greet Death

How we greet death is very much a reflection of how we approach life. For some it is easy to be blasé and to not worry about death. To an extent these people have a good idea. Life is for living and to gain the most out of life, it is important to look at how we can improve our lives: one of the best way to achieve this is to help improve the lives of others.

There is nothing wrong with having a certain respect or reverence for death, yet never let it overshadow the glory that life can bring. It is inevitable that during our lifetime we will experience losses of those we love and part of our grief (perhaps almost imperceptibly) will be due to the enhanced awareness of human mortality that is brought to our attention upon such occasions. Take out life insurance, pre-plan your funeral and make a will. These are selfless acts connected with your death that one ought to do. Then remember to take a moment to smell the roses and do something fun.

Life will bring countless experiences to us: some good and some that we often believe we would be better off without. However, it is this rich tapestry of experiences that defines us, that moves us gradually along the road of life. There are books that can help us through our grief, written by such notables as Doug Manning and John Kennedy Saynor. These men (as well as other writers in this field) know that grief and death are real. Yet they point out that they are intrinsic parts of us that we must acknowledge. Only then can we move on with our lives and put away the blanket of death that too many of us wrap ourselves in, until the time comes.

In his book 'Don't Take My Grief Away From Me' [In-Sight Books, Inc.], Doug Manning recognises the importance of our need to grieve in order to live our lives again without death as a spectre that haunts us. At the commencement of chapter 4, Doug Manning writes: "The first step toward recovering from grief may be the hardest step of all. The first step is facing the reality of death. No one can make that step an easy one."

Doug Manning has texts available for purchase at
www.in-sight-books.com.

John Kennedy Saynor's texts on bereavement may be perused at www.genesis-resources.com.

Adapted from: Joy Johnson, 'Keys To Helping Children Deal With Death And Grief', (Barron's Educational Series, Inc., 1999)
Harold Kushner, 'When Bad Things Happen To Good People', (Random House, 1987)