"I Can't Face the Holidays!"
by John Kennedy Saynor

"I can't face the holidays!" is something I am beginning to hear from bereaved people as the holiday season approaches. During the coming weeks the music and decorations will be painful reminder of Christmas without a loved one. What can you expect during this difficult time?

You may be anticipating the worst. The anticipation of Christmas is worse than the day itself. The day will come and go, and you will get through it. You may wish to avoid the whole season by going away or sleeping through it! You may feel under a great deal of pressure to "get into the spirit". You may also feel guilty if you go out and have a good time! In addition, you may experience some of what you knew closer to the time of the death: anger, loneliness, sadness, depression.

Suggestions for Coping with the Holidays

1. Bring your loved one into the Christmas celebration. Light a special candle in your home in memory of your loved one.

2. Eliminate the pressures as much as possible. Only do what you want to and what you are able to.

3. Evaluate family traditions. It is helpful to have a discussion with other family members about what traditions you want to keep and what you would change.

4. If baking and other food preparations are a chore, then save your energy for other things and buy the food rather than spending time in preparation.

5. Since this is an emotionally and physically draining time, get lots of rest.

6. Buy a gift in memory of your loved one and give it to a needy person.

7. Invite someone who is alone to share part of Christmas Day with you.

8. There is never a good time to suppress your emotions. Don't do it now!

9. Rather than placing all the emphasis on Christmas Day, try to observe the season. Remember, the message of Christmas is one of hope. Every day you live, every event such as Christmas you observe, puts the death of your loved one a day further into the past. Live in hope that the future will be brighter and some day you will enjoy Christmas again. Hold on to your hope!

John Kennedy Saynor is an Anglican Priest, a licensed Funeral Director and Coordinator of the GENESIS Bereavement Resource Centres.