Helping Children Cope With The Holidays

by John Kennedy Saynor

There are many factors that hinder children in their grieving process. One of the difficulties children have in dealing with their grief is that they are often discouraged from expressing grief. Since the grief of a child increases the pain adults are feeling, adults often avoid talking with children about their feelings. Another difficulty arises from the fact that adults do not understand how a child grieves. These facts about the grief of a child are especially true at the Christmas season. The following are some point that will help children deal with the season ahead.

1. Include children in any discussion about the holidays. It is a time of great insecurity for them and they need the security and support of the family.

2. Include the children in any discussion of what Christmas Day will be like. Ask them what they want and what they don't want. It is best to know ahead of time what is going to happen rather than approach the day without any plans.

3. Get the children's ideas about an appropriate gift or donation in memory of a loved one. Make them part of the exercise. Children may also like the idea of putting a new decoration on the tree in memory of the one who has died. They may also like the idea of a special candle that would burn in memory of the one who has died.

4. Give the children a break from the family. If they need to spend part of Christmas Day with their friends, let them.

5. Encourage children to talk about the one who has died. This can be a painful experience, but it can prove helpful in allowing them to express their feelings.

John Kennedy Saynor is an Anglican Priest, a licensed Funeral Director and Coordinator of the
GENESIS Bereavement Resource Centres.