Helping Children Cope With The Loss of a Pet

The death of a pet, often when one is a child, is usually many peoples' first experience of death. Grief therapists have argued that pet loss for a child can forge a template for the way a child may deal with bereavement later in life. Furthermore it is important that, when the time comes, illness and death is explained to children truthfully and that you allow your children to share their feelings about it. Don't be afraid of expressing whatever grief you have for the pet in front of your children. It is part of the lesson that grief is a natural emotion at any stage of life.

You may not always know exactly what to say to your child, so it may be wise to suggest that they ask questions regarding what will happen to their pet, to the veterinarian in charge. Children have active imaginations and what they may have fantasized about their pet may be much worse than what is really happening.

Children always have questions about everything, such is the curious nature of young minds that experience new things everyday, yet we may take for granted. So it is understandable that a child may have numerous questions about the death of their pet, especially younger children. Children are very perceptive and can usually sense deception, so it is important to answer their questions about the deceased pet honestly and on a level that the child can comprehend. Questions can usually be about whether they will see their pet again, where the animal is now and if they were responsible for the animal's death - heavy issues for a young mind to cope with.

It is sometimes possible for a child to be so distressed at the loss of a pet that it can interfere with his or her everyday life. This may manifest itself through a decline in academic performance at school or through behavior that is unusual for your child. Loss can cause anxiety and depression and the child will probably not be aware of the root cause of the problem. However, a parent or teacher may identify that the loss of a pet is troubling the child. It is perhaps a good idea for a teacher to share the issue with the rest of the class and to show that grief and loss is natural and nothing to be embarrassed about. Often a child may merely wish for reassurance that he or she is not alone and there is a good chance that someone else in the class may have a story about how their pet also died and how they coped. Furthermore, the teacher is perceived as an authority figure with answers to questions and their words can have a substantial impact on a child.

The behavioral problems should disappear after a while in the stimulating environment of a school but if they continue then it may be wise to see a doctor.

Adapted from: Herbert A. Nieburg PhD & Arlene Fischer "Pet Loss" Harper Perennial, New York, 1996