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As soon
as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to the
child.
-
Give the
child the facts in a simple manner and be careful not to go
into too much detail. The child will ask more questions as
they come up.
-
If you
can't answer some of the questions, it's fine to say, "
I don't know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone
to help us."
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Use the
correct language - say the words "dead" and "die".
Do not use phrases such as: "He's sleeping...",
or "God took her...", or "He went away...".
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Ask questions.
"What are you feeling?" "What have you heard
from your friends?" "What do you think happened?"
etc.
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Feelings
should be explained to children, especially when there are
tears. Give them permission to cry too. We are their role
models: it is good for children to see our sadness and to
share our feelings with them.
-
Us the
given name of the deceased when speaking of him/her.
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Understand
the age and level of comprehension of your child. Speak to
that level.
-
Talk about
personal feelings such as anger, sadness, feeling responsible,
scared, tearful, depressed, wishing to die, etc.
-
Read a
book on death to your child. (Please consult with the funeral
director for a suggested reading list.)
-
Read a
book on childhood grief for a better understanding of what
a child may be experiencing.
-
Talk about
the visitation period and the funeral. Explain what happens
and find out if your child wants to attend with the rest of
the family.
-
Think
about ways the child can say goodbye to the deceased, such
as writing a letter, poem, drawing a picture, etc.
-
Talk to
the child about religious beliefs, if appropriate, and what
happens to people after they die.
-
Invite
the child to talk freely if there are more questions or if
he/she has heard rumours, in order to help him /her to get
the correct information.
-
Talk about
memories, good ones and ones that may not be so good.
-
Watch
for "bad dreams" - are they occurring often? Talk
about the dreams; they are a way to discharge stress.
-
Watch
for behaviour changes in your child. If they are cause for
concern, seek professional help.
-
Friends,
family and school mates frequently find solace and comfort
in doing something special in the name of the person who has
died.
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Keep the
child's teachers and other caregivers informed of the grief
related concerns.
-
Sudden
death, violent death and the death of a young person are especially
hard to grieve. Disruption of sleep and daily activities as
well as loss of appetite may be normal responses to an abnormal
or unusual event.
