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"I
Can't Face the Holidays!"
by John Kennedy Saynor
"I can't
face the holidays!" is something I am beginning to hear from bereaved
people as the holiday season approaches. During the coming weeks
the music and decorations will be painful reminder of Christmas
without a loved one. What can you expect during this difficult
time?
You may be
anticipating the worst. The anticipation of Christmas is worse
than the day itself. The day will come and go, and you will get
through it. You may wish to avoid the whole season by going away
or sleeping through it! You may feel under a great deal of pressure
to "get into the spirit". You may also feel guilty if you go out
and have a good time! In addition, you may experience some of
what you knew closer to the time of the death: anger, loneliness,
sadness, depression.
Suggestions
for Coping with the Holidays
1. Bring
your loved one into the Christmas celebration. Light a special
candle in your home in memory of your loved one.
2. Eliminate
the pressures as much as possible. Only do what you want to
and what you are able to.
3. Evaluate
family traditions. It is helpful to have a discussion with
other family members about what traditions you want to keep and
what you would change.
4. If baking
and other food preparations are a chore, then save your energy
for other things and buy the food rather than spending time in
preparation.
5. Since
this is an emotionally and physically draining time, get lots
of rest.
6. Buy
a gift in memory of your loved one and give it to a needy
person.
7. Invite
someone who is alone to share part of Christmas Day with you.
8. There
is never a good time to suppress your emotions. Don't do it
now!
9. Rather
than placing all the emphasis on Christmas Day, try to observe
the season. Remember, the message of Christmas is one of hope.
Every day you live, every event such as Christmas you observe,
puts the death of your loved one a day further into the past.
Live in hope that the future will be brighter and some day you
will enjoy Christmas again. Hold on to your hope!
John
Kennedy Saynor is an Anglican Priest, a licensed Funeral Director
and Coordinator of the
GENESIS Bereavement Resource Centres.
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