The Manitoba Senior Citizens' Handbook offers the following checklist of things to do in advance that will facilitate the immediate tasks of a bereaved spouse:

Make a Will

• Prepare a personal record listing the locations of the following:

• Birth and marriage certificates

• Social insurance number, Old Age Security number

• Pension records, including private and Canada/Quebec Pension Plan and armed services record if any

• Will and power of attorney

• Funeral and burial plans

• Bank accounts, RRSPs or RRIFs, bonds, stock certificates, insurance policies, loans, credit cards, other financial records

• Safety deposit box and keys

• Mortgages, deeds and leases

• Tax records

• The name of your lawyer, accountant, financial adviser, stock broker, insurance broker, bank contact, person who holds your power of attorney

• Make funeral and burial or cremation arrangements.

• Before death, talk and make decisions about organ or body donation if appropriate.

The choice of living arrangements also influences the social networks and activities in which a widow(er) can participate. The social supports that underpin seniors' general health and well-being -- family, friends, clubs, volunteer activities, services, self-help groups -- take on added significance when seniors are bereaved, particularly if children and other close relatives (especially siblings) live far away, an increasingly likely situation in today's mobile society.

Conventional wisdom suggests that widow(er)s living in rural areas might be more isolated and lonely because children have moved away, health, recreation and social services are sparse and inaccessible, and public transportation is lacking. But several researchers have found evidence to the contrary. In a study of older widows living in and around Fredericton, New Brunswick, Deborah van den Hoonaard found that those who had lived all their lives in the same rural area had the most resilient support network. Their life-long friendships weathered bereavement. Their friends still called, invited them to events, offered lifts. But urban widows reported feeling excluded or forgotten by friends; similarly, rural widows who were not life-long residents of the area became socially isolated because their status as outsiders was reinforced by the loss of their husbands.¹⁰

No matter where you live, long-term adjustment to widowhood involves profound change for men and women whose identity and social position revolved around being a member of a couple. Widowhood is the loss of not only the most important person but also the central relationship in your life. When van den Hoonaard asked widows to talk about spousal loss, they often began by talking about marriage - emphasizing that the nature and magnitude of the loss could not be grasped without understanding the relationship that preceded it. Women found being part of a couple natural and effortless; learning to be single required conscious effort on the part of the widow and those interacting with her.¹¹

With hard work and appropriate support, the transition is possible and eventually even enjoyable. Life seldom closes a door without opening a window, and many people experience widowhood as an opportunity for growth and independence - a chance to pursue new interests, to make new friends, to acquire new skills in decision-making and managing their lives.¹² Widowhood can be not the end, but the beginning of another stage of life's infinitely varied journey.

10 Kestin van den Hoonaard, D. "Older women's experiences of widowhood", project conducted through the Third Age Centre of Fredericton, New Brunswick, with funding from the National Health Research and Development Program, Seniors' Independence Research Program and Canada's Drug Strategy, Health Canada (Fredericton: 1997), p. 7. Martin Matthews (p. 73) cites other studies supporting the view that rural support networks may be sparser, but the quality and longevity of social relationships helps compensate for this.

11 See Martin Matthews, pp. 27-28.

12 See, for example, Lehman, Ellard and Wortman, "Social support for the bereaved: Recipients' and providers' perspectives on what is helpful", Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 54 (1986).

A special thank you to the people of:

Division of Aging and Seniors,
Health Canada
Address locator: 1908A1 Ottawa, ON K1A 1B4
Tel.: 613-952-7606 Fax : 613-957-7627
E-mail: seniors@hc-sc.gc.ca

for permission to reprint this article on www.thefuneraldirectory.com.