A Time to Grieve

Becoming widowed is surely among life's most traumatic events. The sorrow of losing a spouse is unique in the human experience; gone is a partner and lover, helpmate and adviser. The fact that death can be anticipated - when it occurs at an advanced age or after a long illness - makes bereavement no less painful.

Part of the pain is emotional. I have heard people say that "they thought they would never get over it," so deep was their grief. And part of the pain has to do with our sense of self: without our life-long partner, it becomes necessary to redefine our place in the world. When one has been part of a couple for a very long time, the adjustment can seem impossible.

How do we handle the loss? How do we manage everyday tasks we used to do together? How do we regroup to face the world anew?

First, we need time to grieve and heal. The death of a spouse affects us emotionally, physically, spiritually. We need time to assimilate the loss and work through grief.

Then, there are practical decisions. We may have hesitated to make plans because we were reluctant to talk about death. Yet planning can reduce confusion, worry and legal entanglements. Couples who have faced the situation by working out in advance funeral details, wills, financial planning, and alternative living arrangements are convinced that they have made adjusting to widowhood much easier for the spouse who will survive. Making such plans lets you talk things through with your most trusted adviser - your spouse.

Finally, we need support for the transition, to deal with grief and adjust to new circumstances. Family and friends can form an invaluable network for emotional support and practical help; support groups and professional help are also available.

Making the effort to go on after the death of a spouse is an individual struggle requiring great courage. But given time and the right kind of support, seniors can face the many changes spousal loss brings and find new paths to enjoy what life has to offer.

Bernice MacDougall
NACA
Member Saskatchewan

A special thank you to the people of:

Division of Aging and Seniors,
Health Canada
Address locator: 1908A1 Ottawa, ON K1A 1B4
Tel.: 613-952-7606 Fax : 613-957-7627
E-mail: seniors@hc-sc.gc.ca

for permission to reprint this article on www.thefuneraldirectory.com.