Explanations That Generally Do Not
Help The Child

Outlined below are explanations that adults may use to explain to a child why the person he/she loved has died. Unfortunately, simple but dishonest answers can only serve to increase the fear and uncertainty that the child is feeling. Children tend to be very literal - if an adult says that "Grandpa died because he was old and tired", the child may wonder when he/she too will be too old; he/she certainly gets tired - what is tired enough to die?

1. "Grandma will sleep in peace forever."
This explanation may result in the child's fear of going to bed or to sleep.

2. "It is God's will."
The child will not understand a God who takes a loved one when that person is needed and loved.

3. "God took him because he was so good."
The child may decide to be bad so God won't take him/her too.

4. "Daddy went on a long trip and won't be back for a long time."
The child may wonder why the person left without saying goodbye. Eventually he/she will realize that Daddy isn't coming back and feel that perhaps something he/she did caused Daddy to leave.

5. " John was sick and went to the hospital where he died."
The child will need an explanation about "little" and "big" sicknesses. Otherwise, he/she may be extremely fearful if someone else has to go to the hospital in the future. Consider using the actual name of the sickness, introducing new words is acceptable.

Many thanks for the permission to provide this article from:

Patricia A. Simone, Cardinal Funeral Home. Excerpted from "The Complete Funeral Guide: A Resource to the Practical and Emotional Issues...Before, During and After the Service"