Child's Decision

Much has been said about how a person might obtain 'closure' attending the funeral of a loved one. For a young child, viewing the body and attending the funeral is to be encouraged but by no means should it be forced onto a child who does not wish to attend. If this circumstance arises, do not aggressively pursue the issue and do not make the child feel guilty for staying away.

If your child is old enough to understand what is happening, talk to them about what they want. Ask them if they would like to attend the viewing and services. Answer any questions they may have honestly. The death of a loved one is an emotional and trying time and children can be particularly sensitive to other people's emotions. Do not feel as if you need to protect them from what is happening. Sharing the experience with a child will help them to understand better.

If your child is adamant about not attending, many people take photographs of the deceased to send to relatives who are unable to attend, so take a photograph for your child too. If it is possible to videotape the service then do so. Having a copy on videotape will provide your child the opportunity to watch the service if and when he/she is ready.

In the meantime, tell your child all the details that he/she wishes to know about the funeral service as well as any other questions they may have about the deceased.

Moreover, while you are at the funeral service, ensure that your child stays with someone you trust to be supportive to the child's needs. The child may experience confusion, grief and anxiety as well as regret about staying away.

Adapted from: "Keys to Helping Children Deal With Death and Grief" by Joy Johnson, Barron's Educational Series Inc. 1999)