Coping With the Future

Once grief has passed, it is a good idea to be able to anticipate the difficult times ahead. If you have recently lost a loved one, special times such as Christmas or other holidays, as well as anniversaries and birthdays, can be emotional minefields.

Try to plan ahead: don't let those days creep over you or other loved ones who may be struggling through difficult times. If you think you might find certain days problematic, spend them with friends and family. Prove to yourself that you can master your hours and days effectively; bring your self-determination to the fore. Recognize that the bereaved (be it yourself or another) can sometimes develop a sense of identity that is closely dependent upon the relationship with the deceased.

It is possible that some mourners may see themselves as incomplete without their partners or parent(s). If this situation arises, low self-esteem and feelings of helplessness can manifest themselves. If you can identify these qualities in a family member or friend you can offer encouragement and counsel to them and help them rid themselves of this destructive self-perception.

Help the bereaved to push themselves forward out of their own shadow. They need to move on and realize their potential. Timing is of paramount importance, as you should not be perceived as being insensitive to their loss. However, the time will come when they need to go forward or they'll forever be looking to the past.

It is important to find new activities in which to participate; they can be social hopefully and help you to start a new life. Moreover, they will provide a way of avoiding a descent into self-pity and loneliness.

Adapted from: "Bereavement: Counseling the Grieving Throughout the LifeCycle", David A. Crenshaw.