Bereavement

Bereavement is the state of mind and being that we all go through when we mourn the loss of a loved one and try to come to terms with our lives despite this loss.

We mourn our loss in a series of stages. The first stage is to accept that there has been a loss and look at life now with this loss. Denying the reality of a loss can seem an inviting proposition, especially when the loss has been quick and unexpected. This will to deny what has happened can affect children and adults but it needs to be fought or the grief will be suppressed and potentially self-destructive.

When the world seems to have been thrown into a ball of confusion around you, the pain of the emotion of loss may be one of the few clear things for a while. The healing process will be boosted by the identification and expression of grief - and the ball of confusion will fade.

Sharing grief is making plain your trust in another person; the trust in that person's ability and sincerity in understanding your grief and accepting your mindset at this most difficult of times. When talking through the emotional and practical difficulties thrown up by the loss of a loved one it may become apparent that you may feel a sense of guilt.

This guilty feeling is usually symptomatic of worry about what was not shared with the deceased in the past and concern over what is to come, blaming oneself for any difficulties that may not have yet manifested and may never appear at all.

The grieving party may find it helpful to take an active role in the planning of the funeral, finding appropriate ways of commemorating the dearly departed and the life they lead. Sharing becomes part of the process that leads to a clear future. If the bereaved has the opportunity to talk with a friend then they can identify the good and bad times past.

The need to talk and share our feelings can be overwhelming and friends and family should help indulge the bereaved in their efforts to lay the past to rest; to resolve any mixed emotions they may have had about the deceased.

Adapted from: "Bereavement: Counseling the Grieving Throughout the LifeCycle", David A. Crenshaw