A Nation Mourns: How We'll Grieve In the Aftermath of the World Trade Center Tragedy

September 11, 2001

Today, following the destruction of the World Trade Center Towers in New York City, the Pentagon bombing and the hijacking and subsequent downing of four U.S. jetliners, a nation mourns.

"As Americans, we are in shock," said Dr. Alan Wolfelt, noted grief educator and Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado. "Shock and feelings of numbness and disbelief are nature's way of protecting us from the full reality of what has happened. We simply can't process such a profound event right away. In fact, we may never be able to fully get our minds around what has happened today. The magnitude and the devastation are too great."

Dr. Wolfelt pointed out that we are all in mourning, even if we do not personally know anyone who was killed in today's tragedies. "Collectively we mourn the loss of so many lives. We also mourn the loss of our sense of security," he said. "Despite previous terroristic attacks, such as the Murrow Federal Building bombing, we felt safe in this country. Today we feel unsafe and anxious about what the future holds."

Feelings of anxiety and hopelessness are normal, said Dr. Wolfelt, as are anger and rage. "Many people I've talked to today are furious about what is being called a 'cowardly attack.' Anger is perfectly normal, even necessary. Anger is a way to protest what has happened and to vent feelings of frustration and helplessness."

Dr. Wolfelt added that as a nation, we now have six special needs that must be attended to for us to cope with the tragedy:

Need #1: Acknowledge the reality of what has happened
We are glued to the television coverage of today's events because seeing the devastation for ourselves helps us acknowledge what has happened, said Dr. Wolfelt. It's as if each time we watch the footage of the World Trade Center towers collapsing, we come a little closer to absorbing the reality. Receiving detailed information about the events also helps us meet this need. Another way, according to Dr. Wolfelt, is by talking about the tragedy to friends and coworkers. "It's normal to want to talk about what has happened and to rehash the events over and over again in our conversations. This kind of replay helps us meet this first need of mourning.

"Of course, in the days immediately following the tragedy, we will only come to acknowledge the reality with our minds," pointed our Dr. Wolfelt. "Only over time, in the weeks and months following this day, will we come to acknowledge the reality with our hearts."

Need #2: Accept and express our painful feelings
A second need we as a nation will have in the coming weeks and months is to accept our painful feelings, said Dr. Wolfelt. It's normal to feel depressed, hopeless, vulnerable, anxious and angry. "We must accept these normal emotions, not try to ignore or repress them. We must also find ways to express them, to let them outside ourselves," said Dr. Wolfelt. Ways of expressing these feelings include talking about them to friends and family, writing in a journal, creating artwork, even talking out loud to the TV.

Need #3: Remember those who died and those who survive
As the rubble is cleared and the lost lives tallied, we will begin to learn the stories of many of the individual people and families devastated by today's events. Learning about these people and what happened to them helps us acknowledge the reality of what has happened (see Need #1), according to Dr. Wolfelt. It helps us relate on a human scale to an epic tragedy.

We will also have a need to remember the people who died and those who survive them, said Dr. Wolfelt. Building memorials to the victims is one way to meet this need. Another is supporting families affected by the tragedy. Donating money and supplies, writing letters of condolence and volunteering to assist in clean-up are concrete ways of meeting this third need of mourning.

Need #4: Develop a new sense of who we are as a country
According to Dr. Wolfelt, a fourth need we as a nation face in light of the World Trade Center tragedy is to develop a new identity. "Any feelings of power and safety we might have had have been undermined today," said Dr. Wolfelt. "The United States will never again be the same country it was before today's events. The course of history has been forever changed."

"This is not to say," said Dr. Wolfelt, "that we cannot overcome what has happened and heal as a country. But history will not forget September 11, 2001. And the fact that this tragedy took place on U.S. soil, in the middle of New York City, will become a part of who we are as Americans from this day forward."

Need #5: Search for meaning
Why did this have to happen? Why on this scale? Who was responsible and why did they do it? Why does God permit such acts of terrorism? These are the kinds of questions we will ask-aloud and in our hearts-in the coming days and weeks, said Dr. Wolfelt. "This kind of search for meaning in tragedy is normal and necessary," he said. "In our disbelief, we will all try to make sense of what has happened. We will probably not find satisfactory answers to our questions, however. Survivors of other tragedies have taught me there is often no meaning to be found in the awful things that happen to people every day. There is only meaning in the way we choose to respond to those who still live."

Need #6: Continue to support each other
To cope with this tragedy, we need the support of other people long after the event itself, said Dr. Wolfelt. "We as a country are in mourning," he said. "And grief is a process that lasts a lifetime. We may need to talk about what happened today for years and years, especially on September 11th. We must also remember to support those personally affected, such as the victim's families, long after today's events. They need our presence and our constant companionship for the rest of their lives. They will never "get over" the death of someone loved. And we will never "get over" the World Trade Center towers crumbling before our very eyes on national TV."

Dr. Wolfelt presents more than 100 workshops each year across North America for hospices, schools, funeral homes, community groups and others organizations. He also teaches week-long courses for bereavement caregivers at the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado, where he serves as Director. Among Dr. Wolfelt's books are Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas and The Journey Through Grief: Reflections on Healing. Recipient of the Association for Death Education and Counseling's Death Educator Award, he is also a columnist for Bereavement magazine.

Dr. Wolfelt, who has been interviewed numerous times on The NBC Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live and other national media, is available to answer questions about the nation's grief and survivors' grief in the aftermath of the World Trade Center tragedy. He can be reached at his office at (970) 226-6050 or directly via his pager:
888-424-9146.